China

Expat Timeline taken from PULP Mag

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A PULP magazine was attached to our flat’s Sherpa pizza delivery last night. Inside was an Expat Timeline.  I’ve directly copied and pasted it here because I think anyone who has ever moved to Shanghai can laugh and completely relate with the list below.  I can personally identify with 18 of the 21 Life in Shanghai Timeline points.

  • Day 1: Go to the Bund.

  • Day 2: Go to top of SWFC and Jinmao Tower.

  • Day 4: Decide that there really isn’t that much tourist stuff to do in Shanghai

  • Day 8: You need a break from Chinese food. You can’t eat noodles all the time right?

  • Day 14: Your first fake alcohol hangover.  All previous hangovers pale in comparison.

  • Day 21: Your break from Chinese food ends when you realise that you have now given ALL of your money to Element Fresh.

  • Day 30: Start a blog for the folks back home.  This is going to be great! So cultural.

  • Day 35: You have heard enough about the fabled “Avocado Lady” to nod sagely when she is mentioned, but you haven’t been there yet.

  • Day 45: Start Chinese lessons-4 hours a week is totally achievable.  You’ll be fluent in no time.

  • Day 58: You spend a ton of money at the Propaganda Poster museum.  Communist kitsch posters for everyone back home this Christmas…

  • Day 79: A two week period of lethargy combines with finding a really good DVD shop.  You don’t leave the house or speak to anyone for days.

  • Day 120: Cancel Chinese lessons-you’re too busy.  you know enough to get by anyway.

  • Day 145: You start to get most of the jokes on wuluwu.  Yes. you’re a pro now.

  • Day 150: The Family Mart jingle no longer grates.  You can enter the shop with a zen-like calm.

  • Day 170: You leave Shanghai for the first time. It’s scary.

  • Day 171: You return to Shanghai and are surprised to find that it feels homely.  You bask in the friendly glow of the line 2 lights.

  • Day 180: You are surprised/relieved to find that the “Naked Retreats” place people have been going on about isn’t a nudist colony after all.  This is just like that time you found out that the JZ Club had nothing to do with the rapper.

  • Day 212: Family/friends come to visit.  It’s like looking after children.

  • Day 220: At last you’re no longer the newest kid on the block and can finally utter the words ‘you haven’t even been to Shelter?!’

  • Day 250: You decide it’s time to pack up and leave by the end of the year.

  • Day 280: Your excuse for not going out and exercising has shifted from ‘it’s way too cold, and there’s too many people’ to ‘it’s way too hot, and have you seen the AQI?’

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